Abscess is The Look of Envy

Source

"An abscess (Latin: abscessus) is a collection of pus that has built up within the tissue of the body"

Wikipedia

Pus n.A generally viscous, yellowish-white fluid formed in infected tissue, consisting of white blood cells, cellular debris, and necrotic tissue.

The American Heritage® Medical Dictionary Copyright.

A thick yellowish or greenish fluid composed of the remains of dead white blood cells, pathogens and decomposed cellular debris.

Gale Encyclopedia of Medicine.

A creamy, viscous fluid exudate that is the result of fluid remains of necrosis of tissues. It is

I'm a lawyer. I know nothing about medicine except what I watch on TV or read for information purposes. But today I'm writing like one huh?

It's interesting to note that abscess or pus in or on the body is not such a bad thing; it is actually the body's defensive mechanism to germs or bacteria. But today I don't want to concentrate on how it rids the body of bacteria like staphylococcus by digesting it ( the white blood cells eat up the bacteria. Yuck;goes to show our internal makeup are engineered to be carnivores). When it gets drained, what comes out is pus and is usually pale yellow to yellow green, sometimes whitish, and sometimes bloody

About a week ago, a dear friend of mine- Mercy- showed me a picture of one of her pretty friends. The girl has smooth porcelain skin and her Brazilian hair- didn't look like 2010 but 2015. I tell you. She had a lithe body, eye popping future and firm behind and she was gorgeous. Apparently, the lady has been doing some yoga and attributed her beautiful curves and music video tummy to yoga stretches and all. Hold on, she also traveled round, like when I saw the picture, she was in Dubai. Guess what? Something as old and primitive as time began to thump slowly in me bringing  it's caged self to the surface. Oh my, I began to compare myself with her.Her smooth skin to my hairy skin, her curves to my shape, her spotless face to my pigmented face. I just couldn't see. I had to tell Mercy I didn't want to see the pictures again. I was having a "beef" for someone who didn't even know I existed. She was pretty and had the money as well to boot!

You got it right. I was envious! And envy is a sick feeling. it's like an abscess- your disguised admiration-but-in-reality-can't-wait-to-rip-it-off-the-lady feeling; it is your old nature, that part of you that you didn’t even think existed or that you had somewhat buried somewhere in the crevices of your mind.

What is envy?

The Merriam Webster Dictionary puts it aptly as a "painful or resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another joined with a desire to possess the same advantage" 

 Oh yes, it is painful; It is that feeling of discontentment that is aroused by someone's possessions, qualities or luck. It is not the same as jealousy for jealousy is when you're worried someone's trying to take what you already have. With envy, you don't have it and you are probably wondering why the person has it and not you.

Envy is corrupt matter and has a colour. See, envy is not just green, no, envy is more than that. Envy is that neglected abscess that traps your inadequacy in it's liquefied state and painfully pushes it to the surface. You see how foul smelling it is...perhaps you can't but other people can and it's not pretty.

This year has been a year of self realisation for me. I just saw there was the green "monsterish" hulk in me! Geez! I was envious! It was like everywhere I turned, I saw someone be envious of. It was like I envied someone every month. True!

I envied a friend because she all set new year goals for herself and achieved them(talk about discipline)

I envied a lady's success at work

i envied the shape and curves of loads of girls

I envied some friends that they could travel abroad at the drop of a hat

I envied someone's smooth skin

I envied another's money

I envied someone's wealthy background

I envied some girls who money seemed to pursue
And if I envied someone who was favoured with something, I was like, "Hey, God! Look at me! I'm right here"

I need Jesus!

Envy is polluted; it brings anger and depression and even self-loathing. It causes despair and tears and low self esteem. Envy isn't just green; it is sick looking, yellowish greenish matter, creamy disgusting goo with an evil putrid smell. Envy makes you want what the other person has and you bear a grudge not towards the person directly but to the possessions or qualities that person has. it doesn't make you see what the person went through to acquire what he or she has...no, it just makes you focus on her body- you don't see the hours spent stretching and doing yoga; you see only the money and trips- you don't see the work she put into whatever job she has to come up with that money.
Abscess when drained brings out pus which is mixed with your blood. When envy takes a hold of you, some of your virtues and admirable qualities or characters get sucked up and ebb out of you. Envy isn't pretty. It may be masked for a while but eventually it will ebb out of you along with something good about you;envy corrupts the good on your insides.

It's not easy. My friend and I often say we are doing our best yet it seems like we are just not moving forward or as fast as we expect to. True, some people don't deserve having what they have because we know we work more...time and chance, love, time and chance.

The good thing is, just like the law makes us see how we need grace, when we feel envious, it tells us that something has been pushed to the surface and we have to deal with it or it can get worse.

God's word says always be thankful in all things; so I had to start thanking God for the way he made me and thanking him for discipline to stop with the sweets and unhealthy non eating habits. Oh and I had to say sorry rather than wish for Mercy's features or Anu's boldness or Femi's Calmness or anything. I can work on what has been given (exercise) and I can work hard and smartly too. Tell you what I used to do but I had forgotten (only remembered recently)? I get excited for the person. What you celebrate you attract! So if I celebrate my female northern neighbour who drives a Lexus RX 330 (In fact, she learnt how to drive with the car) I just might be drawing my own Lexus to my hands. ;)

So there's the look of envy!Prepare for the sight...

 

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Kai, this isn't easy for me either!