Where Are Our Fathers?

An issue has been plaguing me for quite a while- a long time actually. I’m asking myself questions on the men we have in existence today. It is not news that in this day, women seem to do well and do better than men. Now, I know there are men who are doing well physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally but I would like to concentrate on men who believe that Jesus died for them and  is their personal Lord and saviour; men who profess to be Christians, men who have relationships with their maker. Why am I not seeing men like that now?

I am bothered about this because some time ago, a beloved family friend told me that if I were to date anyone in Abuja, I should get ready to expect that the person would be struggling especially if such a person was honest person and a Christian. My question is why?

In today’s society, we are churning out men who are not prepared or mature enough to handle even themselves. Our men are weak, lacking vision, lacking courage, lacking strength...lacking everything.

Go out into the streets- you see the addicts- those struggling with drugs, pornography, masturbation, fear, self esteem and boldness. We see men who are nothing like the men they hope to be or we expect them to be. Why is this happening? I believe this is because these men have no fathers to look up to or mentors except the pop artists that always twist their bodies on TV.

The average family in Nigeria and I daresay around the world is dysfunctional. And I think that’s what’s happening to our men now. When a man grows up in a family where there is no fatherly influence, except for the grace of God and strong self will, he will turn out to be something else. Women are now carrying the baton that their husbands left behind and are bringing home the bacon. Then the same woman is expected to remain submissive to a man who does not bring spiritual, mental, emotional, emotional input or fulfilment to his wife, children, family and home. I have friends who see their mothers as the strong one and frankly, women are tired of being strong (seriously, they are). God did not make man first, I tell you. A woman’s shoulders were not built to carry the responsibilities of a man. God does give grace especially in scenarios where the woman is the only parent, but that was not God’s intention. Check the bible and show me where women were the providers and the spiritual leaders of their homes. Even when Angel Gabriel visited Mary and told her she was to bring forth the Messiah, God still had to inform Joseph. Why? Because Joseph was going to be the leader of their home and when he got married to Mary, it was Joseph God spoke to, telling him to flee to the Egypt when Herod’s genocide of young boys began.

But men will not go back to the place of prayer  to stand in the gap for their families, for themselves and for the status quo to change. Now, we leave it to our mothers, our wives, sisters and girlfriends to lay prostrate crying and interceding for our men to change.

Family wise, the man may be bringing home the bacon but is emotionally distant or shut off from his wife and children. He’s not just available and though he may make up for it by buying fancy things or taking them on exotic vacations to compensate for his failure of being an unreachable father, he fails to fill the void that God has created him to fill. The man becomes unreachable emotionally. When his sons grow up, they learn to do what daddy did; his mannerisms, his attitude, the way his speaks flippantly to their mother; they see it- they may vow never to be like that  but  they eventually become that. See, it’s beyond their father- who they see. The blood of their father and the fathers in that lineage for hundreds of generations run in the young man’s blood. How can he fight that?

Then there are men who have had no fathers or their fathers left them, leaving only the woman to become both father and mother. Who do those men look up? Sadly, before such men see great mentors they lean on friends who take them down the wrong path or follow “mentors” going nowhere.

Where are our fathers? Where are those men who are determined to ensure that the DNA of heaven imprinted in their blood will show forth and be reproduced in the lives of their sons and brothers?

Take a look at 2 Kings 2. It’s such a rich chapter and my eyes kept popping at what I read. WOW! In verse 8, you see that Elijah takes up his mantle, rolls it up and strikes the water so he and Elisha, his “mentee” can cross over and then Elijah asks Elisha for what he wants.

Fathers always have a legacy. Yes, there is something a father passes to his son whether he has never seen his son before or he put his son to bed each night. Elijah’s legacy was his mantle. Every son is requesting something from their fathers. I see men in church who walk closely with my Pastor begin to take on his mannerisms or something and most times, it is unconscious. My uno numero acts like his Pastor and sometimes I hear T.D Jakes in what he says. Why? These are two people he listens to a lot. So, on his journey to becoming who God intends him to be, he can take certain legacies his “mentors” have left and build it into his DNA. More on that later.

Elisha asked for a double portion of Elijah’s spirit. That’s heavy stuff. Not God’s spirit, not the prophetic spirit, no. He asked for Elijah’s spirit- times two! Is it any wonder that a father who began smoking at 30 would have a son who began at 15 or a son who smokes 10 packs a day while his father smoked only 5? Should we be surprised when a man with cancer who lives to, say, 80, would have a son with cancer and live up to 40 or 50?

Do not deceive yourself, unless by grace and determination, you are to be greater than your father in that thing you were notorious for. I dated a man whose father was extremely wealthy but his mother was a concubine who was not treated nicely. I think his father blamed his lack of progress on the woman and son.  Was it little wonder that even though this young man did not want to be like his Father, eventually began to show certain traits and characteristics that if he wasn’t careful, he was going to be his father?

Let’s look at a different perspective in verse 10: Elijah says Elisha asks a hard thing but nevertheless, if Elisha saw him being taken away, Elisha would have the double portion of what he asked for. And Elisha sees Elijah taken away and shouts, “My Father, My Father...”, rents his clothes apart and takes the mantle Elijah left behind.

Some sons do not see their fathers or the legacies they left behind. For some, their fathers did not leave any legacy but some Fathers may have sown good seeds, made great investments, carried their families along but their sons did not see it. They did not see or  regard their fathers and most likely their legacies of a good name, of legal wealth , of courage, no, they did not see it so they cannot have a double portion of the integrity their fathers had or the business acumen and financial discipline that their fathers had.  For some reason, the sons did not catch the vision their fathers had. Did the Fathers not carry their sons along? Or did the sons refuse to listen? What happened? To my uno numero who took and is still taking whatever he can from the two mentors as I mentioned earlier, some men have listened to the sermons and did not see the mantle of humility, of great faith, of leadership that my uno numero saw. Perhaps those mentors were not for them at that season but then again, for some, it was for them but they did not catch it. 

Let’s read on: Elisha goes back to the bank of Jordan they had initially crossed (he’s alone now), strikes the water and says, “Where is the God of Elijah?” and, watch this, the water parts so he can cross. This is the third time the river Jordan is being parted (although the first time, the river just moves from downstream to upstream). Wait for this: Some mantles our fathers left us are so tattered and torn and dirty that they can’t even part a bowl of water, talk more a stream. We have sons carrying mantles of debts, soiled reputations, spiritual lethargy and laziness that our fathers have left behind. Do we still wonder why things are going wrong in our society? We have men who are already handicapped by the people they looked up to.

Men, sons, brothers, look at your life and see what mantle you took from your father? It could be promiscuity, anger, bitterness or even depression. Or perhaps you did not see that legacy you know your father had. You can still have it back again. Esau lost the blessing- the legacy Isaac passed on to Jacob- but his Father promised him that after a while, he would break free from a life of servitude to his brother. That’s a sermon right there, folks!

Where are our fathers? I do not want to focus on the men who bore us, some who are already old, some who themselves were not given good legacies/mantles. No, I’m talking to the young men who have families and are yet to have. You are the father of your home. Stop waiting for your wife to be the Spiritual leader of your home. Stop and refuse to be like Barak who insisted that Deborah follow him to the battlefield even when God had already told him He had delivered Jabin and Canaan into his hands. He did not mind that the glory was going to go to Debbie; he was just scared to move into his destiny. Let the men start to lead- I’m not talking about your ego- I’m talking about you being a servant leader.

I’m praying...it has become a growing concern for me. Our fathers need to see themselves for who they are and where they are going and act accordingly transferring the right mantles to other people who will follow in their steps. I hope this burns within you as it burns hotly within me. Start to create for yourself a worthy mantle so others can have direction when your time ceases on earth.